October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, and also the day of the Wave of Light. At 7 p.m. local time, candles are lit around the world in honor of beautiful babies gone too soon.
I haven’t always had the energy in years past, but this year, I lit my candle for Maria right at 7 p.m. I found a candle from a previous loss retreat, on which I had inscribed her name. It is burning brightly in front of me as I write this, surrounded by the gentle dimness of twilight.
This year, five years after her passing, this ritual feels particularly grounding. Lately, I have often found myself lost in the swirls and chaos of life, keeping up with all there is to do both at work and at home. When Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month began this year, it didn’t feel as significant to me as it has in the past, mostly because I’ve been so distracted by the busyness of everyday life. But this ritual, taking a planned action at a specific time, has really drawn me into the moment and brought with it a stillness that I desperately needed.
This sweet little candle, burning brightly beside me, helps me feel Maria’s presence. It helps me feel less lonely, because I know others around the world are also lighting candles, and saying their beloved babies’ names.
No two years of grieving have looked the same for me. This year, I am grateful for this hour of light, and for this brief moment of peace, and for feeling surrounded by love, and for the quiet gift of remembrance.
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